As you all know, Election Day is coming up soon, and I am super-psyched about voting. I am just going to waltz right in there, slap down my ID, and vote, and then I will promptly register to make my vote "official." That's one of the reasons I'm writing this, to remind you all to register on your way out of the voting place on Election Day. Otherwise, people, YOUR VOTE WILL NOT COUNT. Now, I don't know about you, but I will be voting across the board for the person who is favored to lose, because I believe in the enduring value of a good underdog story. This is something I will address in my next entry, "The Enduring Value of a Good Underdog Story."
I'm not really going to do that, of course. There's no way I'm going to spend that much time researching to find out where every candidate stands in the polls, so more than likely I will just be wingin' it on a few. And I'm gonna skip the propositions entirely, unless there is some sort of proposition to do away with propositions. Let's face it, they tend to be pretty long-winded, and I believe that some of them even require a short answer. And I don't have time for that kind of malarkey. So with that said I would like to propose a toast, to reading less and to a more streamlined voting system.
To be honest with you, I don't know shit from Shinola about anyone I am supposed to be voting about, or any of the candidates for anything in the entire America, for that matter, with the exception of one, of course, and I'm talking about the witch lady. I predict she will win her Senatorcy in a ginormous landslide with the help of her minions and Satan. In the meantime she will probably continue to say whatever insane shit pops into her witchy little head, and she will continue being highly doable in spite of all this.
"From there they may go on to attend the University of Buttfucking."
If I'm not mistaken there are also a number of issues that people are concerned with. I don't know what they actually are, but I certainly hope that education isn't one of them, because I turned out just fine and I never learned to count. To me that proves that education doesn't matter. What matters is money, and I think that will be key this election, and I want to say that on the issue of money I am for it. I'm just gonna need somebody to count mine for me.
I have noticed that when you put "OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at then end of something it tends to get people's attention, and if I haven't mentioned it yet I am an attention whore and that is the reason for this blog. And that is the reason I am going to post some of my favorite YouTube videos, and I certainly hope that you enjoy them OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10) Afro Ninja - This video has become the apotheosis of fail turned to win, apotheosis of course meaning the anus of a hippopotamus. Fail turned to win is also sometimes referred to as epic fail, but if you don't know that you are probably so old that you step on your scrotum. Suffice it to say the man has a fucking movie coming out because of this, and also because of his USI. After all, his success was unintentional and when you get right down to it he is still made up mostly of fail.
9) Insane Clown Posse - Miracles - Another shining example of epic failure. If you are under the impression that ICP is in any way shape or form intentional win then you, sir, are and idiot :) and it is unlikely that you can decipher these strange symbols I type. It's okay though because Waffle House has pictures on their menus.
8) Eat Da Poo Poo -The first time I saw this I laughed so hard I literally died. The obvious observation here is that he ought to worry less about those who partake of the forbidden fruit of homosex and more about his own obsession with all things scatological, and the fact that his whole routine is shamelessly derivative of Bill Cosby's material, particularly a bit he did back in the 80's on Bill Cosby: Himself, proof here.
7) Shoes - I like this video because it is a remarkably accurate portrayal of wimmins and their foolish ways, though some may call me a "stupid boy" for that. If you like The Kids in the Hall, first of all, congrats, you are not completely worthless like I thought, and secondly, you will probably like this, but also there is probably a very good chance you have already seen this.
6) Bed Intruder Song - It was somewhat painful for me to rate this above "Shoes" but the fact of the matter is that I have watched this more times in the past couple of months than I have watched "Shoes" in the last six or however many years. This video is like crack. But don't bother watching after the 1:15 mark.
5) Star Trek + Nine Inch Nails = Closer - This is the best fanvid of all time, period. The editing is masterful and tells a guided tour de force of a story. There is tension and drama and a spectacular climax. I am not kidding when I say that I consider this high art.
4) Double Rainbow - If Falkor the luckdragon were turned into a fat Pacific Islander who put too much LSD on his Spam sandwich, this is what would happen.
3) Charlie the Unicorn - I used to work at a school, and the middle school kids would quote this constantly. They were dismayed when one day I revealed that I had seen the video, too. It became a little less cool after that, I think, and I think I was glad about that. Some of the kids, particularly the ones who were most concerned with being "cool", I genuinely loathed. I wished I could take them all to a "pizza party" out in the woods and tell them that they would need tickets to play the video games. So I would give them all 10 tickets and when we got there I would make them get out, and I would say "sorry, you need 11 tickets to live." Then I would show them what the socks full of quarters were really for.
2) George Washington - You thought you knew...you have NO IDEA
1) Candy Pants - So you don't own a piano key scarf and you will probably never harpoon the kind of mammals that Lionel gets on the reg, because the practice is now against international law, but dammit, with a lot of practice, you may become qualified to polish his rings--someday.
