Thursday, October 6, 2011

Occupying Time Down On Obfuscation Street


       If you don't get the reference in the title of this post, then you may just not be a fan of The Cure, which is totally cool with me. But you may also be one of these sniffling hipster halfwits who is standing around Zuccotti Park right now in desperate need of a bath and waiting for Radiohead to come and play, which they definitely aren't, and anyway their latest effort was appallingly weak. But you wouldn't know that because you have a head full of Chomsky and gas station weed, and you wouldn't know good music if it fucked you in the ass.

     I mean if Coldplay had put out that album I would have been mildly impressed, but then again I wouldn't want to live in a world like that. But I must say it's a pretty fucked up world we're living in already, what with these dastardly terrorist cleric derelicts getting killed by drones, and the fed warning of the possibility of revenge missions in the making.

       And then you have all of these angry musical dilettantes getting arrested by the hundreds because they can't afford the new Imogen Heap, and bragging about how 99% of Americans haven't heard of their favorite band. Well just because we haven't heard of them doesn't mean they're any good you self-righteous pieces of shit.

       It could be that I'm missing the point here, but I doubt it.  I know there's got to be something more to it all than simply opposing "corporate greed," because that would be fucking retarded. I mean please tell me they have something more specific than that. Because God knows they could find it with even the most cursory of Google searches.

       But no, I guess not. Apparently they are not big fans of the Google and were a little too stoned during Inside Job to remember much more than the basic gist. And indeed their website states that they are doing all of this because of "financial greed and corruption." Well why not take the whole vague thing one step further and have a protest against bad vibes or the man keeping you down? I'm sorry but I can't get behind you on this one, though I agree that both greed and corruption are decidedly not good. I'm afraid this needs to materialize into something a little more articulate before I can give it my highly coveted rubber stamp of approval, but I doubt that's going to happen before the police really step up their non-lethal force game and suppress this shit.

       So instead of spending my free time getting arrested with you all I have decided to combat your confounding ambiguity by opposing some things that are very specific. I'm hoping this well help you to see the error of your ways.

       I am strongly opposed to infant suicide, and have even gone so far as to join Women Against Infant Suicide Standing Together, or WAISST, despite being male.

       Reverse drinking is not a practice that I have ever endorsed, nor will I ever endorse. It's extremely dangerous and actually makes you thirstier.

       I am against the use Jokewood font in the context of instant messaging, but I am strongly in support of finally finding an excuse to post this.

       Interspecies swim meets are totally unfair and can have a profoundly deleterious effect on your child's self-esteem, as they come to grips with the reality of being owned by a swan.

       It has been said that freedom is a double-edged sword, and I definitely think that the freedom to race the handicapped would be an example of the shittier edge of that sword, but this being America there is nothing I can do to stop you people. Just know that I oppose you in all kinds of ways, unless of course you are a representative of the Special Olympics.

       I think it's very childish and manipulative for train cars to hold their breath until they get what they want. The best thing to do in this situation is ignore them.

       Just because your youngest daughter is an obvious dyke, that does not mean you have to excommunicate her to the top of the denim pile. I hereby oppose thee.

I am actually not the least bit opposed to this.

       But you can definitely color me a deep shade of opposed to any scientist who has the unmitigated gall to try and explain to me how magnets really work.

       Toddlers who worship Satan can consider themselves opposed, mostly because of the role they play in infant suicides.

       And lastly I am deeply opposed to people who show only a halfhearted opposition to things that they really deep down inside oppose very strongly. I think it shows a compromise in one's testicular fortitude, and maybe it's something I should take a look at myself. And one thing I will say is that it doesn't really seem to be a problem for these kids down on Wall Street. So in that respect they can consider themselves unopposed by me. I'm sure they will all be massively relieved.


       So this is the longest that I've ever gone without posting, and it occurred to me that some of you may draw a correlation between that and the poetry. But I assure it has practically nothing to do with that, and practically everything to do with making money hand over fist (huge economic success: perhaps another reason why I choose to make fun of the occupying forces rather than join them in battle). Well if anyone wants to pay me $15.38 an hour plus overtime for this and give me the option to have health insurance for once in my life (it wouldn't be the only time in my adult life, but almost) then they can be my guest. So I've now let the cat out of the bag about what a fucking baller I am. My bad. But I promise I'm not going to stop doing Appellate Sky. I enjoy it too much. Here is a link to a poem that will make your head explode into candy.