Sunday, February 13, 2011

Who's Hot and Who's Not in 1897?

       As we gather our steam like a state of the art locomotive and push forward into the new year, it's curious to think who will be possessed of that ever so hard to define "Edison" factor this year. In modern day parlance we often call this The Fizz. So who is it who will fizz in our phosphates this year? And who do you suppose will fall off the proverbial penny farthing? I have my opinions, of course, but please do take them with a grain of salt as I just lost four of my children to typhoid.
       I implore you now, dearest reader of my serialized whimsy-frolics: please, my good chap or madam, do not get it honey-fuggled.  I'm not trying to wake snakes by presenting my own slantindicular views as huckleberries above persimmons. I learned that the hard way during my coverage of last year's quilting bee. That was some pumpkins. I almost got rowed up Salt River just for cutting a few shines. The whole thing was a sin to Crockett and I don't aim to repeat it.

John Martin Harvey - He has The Fizz this year. Though I find his three first names to be ever so distasteful. I do hope in a hundred years time this fad will have passed. 

Luisa, Marquise Casati Stampa di Soncino - I declare this saucy foreign mistress to be a possessor of "Le Fizz."

 These People - Whoever they are, they do not have The Fizz.

Strong Women - They may have been hot in the 1880's, but so was leeching.

Horses are out this year. If you just purchased one, sorry.

The Stanley Steamer - Compared to a horse-driven buggy it is so much cleaner. It's also in.

Racism is all the rage still, so if you're racist, then bully for you I suppose.

Dry Diving is one of the hottest things you can possibly do.

Flagchicks - These colors actually do run, or waddle at least, but they are also completely in.

Surprisingly, superhuman jumping ability is out.

Golfing from the top of a skyscraper under construction is the toast of the town in Gotham.

Coquettishness is on the way out, thank God.

As usual, tits are in.

Typhoid - For the sake of my family, I hope it's not hot this year.

Chick with a bigass whip is totally fucking in.

 I am almost too lethargic and withdrawn to announce that melancholy is in.

Split ends are practically jizzing The Fizz at this point.

The Gigantic Tambourine has never been so in. Everyone and their midwife is going to want one of these. Hope everyone has a great, death-free year, though I do realize how unlikely that is.


  1. I 'wtf'd at flag chicks and skyscraper golfing.

    The golfers be mad!

  2. Nice humorous view into the past, man! Amazing how tits can still hold their sway from a 100 yr old photograph!

  3. this is really interesting stuff

  4. Good to know tits on strong women are in?

  5. very funny! those women in the flags look pissed. how bad-ass is that golfer?

  6. My vote is for strong women and tits.

  7. Those pictures are funny but almost scary

  8. could you imagine waking past a construction site in 1897 and getting knocked by a golf ball?

  9. very funny man, thx for the share :)
    keep on

  10. Ha nice post idea. Tit's are always 'in'.