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Friday, May 6, 2011

Rebellious Teens and Other Repellent Things



        In a recent study conducted by NASA it was revealed that approximately 9 out of 9 teens are fucking douchebags. When I heard about this study I was surprised to say the least. My reaction was probably about like this.


       But it wasn't because that statistic was higher than I expected. In fact, I think I expected that teens would somehow do the impossible and be even douchier than that. No, what surprised me was that the same people who can claim such landmark achievements as the invention of astronaut ice cream could be so obtuse as to think that would be a good study to conduct. How dare they waste our tax dollars on such bunkum, I thought. Then I went for a drive to get some ice cream because I was going to attempt to freeze-dry it like the astronauts do, because it's ten times better that way, when all of a sudden I saw this kickass meteor streak across the sky, and I was suddenly reminded of how little we all are. I come from a tribe of Mbuti pygmies and we are all very small. Actually that thought wasn't really related to the meteor.



       
       But I got to thinking about little people and that reminded me of dwarfs, which reminded me of this video, which reminded me of how sweet and innocent the children are, which reminded me of how tragic it is that they turn into the filthy fucking shitty ass degenerate dirtbags we commonly call "teens". But it has just now occurred to me that some of my readers may actually be teens, and if that happens to be the case just know I am talking about other teens and not you. You are super smart and mature and I would never wish for you to die.



        
       You know what's a really non-conformist thing to do is to not ever wear your seatbelt, ever, but you get extra non-conformist points for jumping off a building (but not any of my dear teenage friends who are reading this).




       You just had to be in a picture that's not related to anything, didn't you? You're not making this any easier you smarmy little fuck.  



 

You're goddam right I am, this is serious. Also I'm not your bro.


      

       Actually, goth is already for pussies. Emo is for people who make pussies seem like the Incredible Hulk throwing a bear the length of a football field.


notabigdeal.jpg  



       Hanging out with one Fran Drescher--let alone four of them--is not nearly as cool as you apparently think it is, Rebecca.




Sloths, on the other hand, are pretty fucking cool.




     You may not be an actual teen, but you are definitely trying. And that is why you deserve every bit of this and worse.




       If I had my way it would be your people who were the minorities, sir, and I'm not talking about Mormons I'm talking about teens.




       Oh teens, why can't you be more like our friend Mr. Polar Bear? Eh plays with his tube all day and doesn't afraid of anything. Personally I think he's a pretty cool guy.




       But no, you have to be like this instead.




       Enough with the fucking melodrama already. Enough with saying "fuck you dad" in almost everything you do. Your views are retarded and you should keep them to yourself. There are more important issues than the legalization of pot. Most cops are not murdering thieving rapists, and do not do the drugs they confiscate, man. Stop acting like you know what the fuck you are talking about when it's a genetic fact that you have a head full of dogshit. So eat your fucking vegetables and shut the fuck up.

       Except for my loyal readers. You guys are awesome.




       Well, I'm afraid my Mbuti brethren require my assistance and I will have to be getting on. Gonna take out my anger at teens on a punk-ass elephant.


116 comments:

  1. More funny stuff. But what, no hipster teenagers?

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  2. Yeah dude you must have missed Justin Bieber.

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  3. Lol. I'm only 24 and I'm already contemptuous of youth

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  4. lol Nice post i loughed so hard :)

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  5. Hahaha such a funny post. also why is it 9 out of 9? such a weird number its usually out of 10 or 5

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  6. FUCK TEENS. They are all Justin Beiber today; he's a girly man! GRR. Also, the baby was funny.

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  7. Hahah, oh man I foudn the police van picture funny

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  8. Ha nice rant, that last gif is great.

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  9. that's brilliant, loved it. You need to update more often though!

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  10. if justin bieber really said that, I'll kill him myself!

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  11. There was obviously cocaine in that bottle

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  12. im not a douchebag but nice reasoning and pics

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  13. Hehe, Made my day. Thanks mate!

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  14. Haha, some of those are fantastic

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  15. You are a beast! Keep them coming!

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  16. Loooool, this is great stuff. It's like Cracked, but better. :) Followed!

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  17. Very funny blog! love it! +f

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  18. Must unsee video. That dwarf looked like she was 8. She's an embarrassment to her kind.

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  19. Teens are a whole different species.

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  20. Your Blog is the funniest sht ever...rofl!!! following! Just one thing, maybe you have overlooked it, but if you could reduce your posting to 2 posts maybe, coz it takes mucho time to load - would be great!

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  21. many great gifs! flipping hilarious haahaha

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  22. Haha these gifs are amazing. Laughed so much and now my stomach hurts! Please give us a new hilarius post soon!

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  23. As always, great... I lololol'd at the baby one :p

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  24. I giggled. Gonna go head back to my "charade" cave. Followed.

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  25. hah so funny :]

    the mom's minivan made me laugh so much!!!

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  26. lol wow picture overload.

    but i've been looking for that 70s show shocked GIF forever!! thanks for posting it!

    do you know the GIF that blends that shocked gif with the one from star trek, and they go back and forth?

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  27. naw man i've never seen that one. glad this was of use to you.

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  28. Haha, this is a funny post. I like it.

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  29. Awesome blog! Thanks for following mine :)

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  30. I <3 the mom's minivan picture.

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  31. LOL nice. I thought I lurked enough, but 75% of this post is OC to me. And 94% of it is awesome (I can live with the fat emo...girl?)

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  32. Really funny rant, keep it up!

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  33. lol the gifs on their own are funny, but the commentary between them... golden.

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  34. Great post, and I'm 17 and I never said something like fuck you dad. I pretty much love my father and mother, talk to them a lot, I just fucking hate my brother tough.

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  35. That polar bear picture is hilarious

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  36. This woke me up in ways I can never express

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  37. This, this is how picture blogs are supposed to me. The ratio of your writing to the amount of pictures is perfect and what you type is actually funnier than the pics themselves. I am so glad you followed me or else I might have never seen your blog!

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  38. this post was pretty cool. Thanks.

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  39. Ha ha,love your pics. Especialy the top one lol.following.

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  40. Aww this is so funny ;D oh baby, you crazy .

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  41. Pot should be legalised though, and I ate my vegetables :)

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  42. oh man this post is awesome! haha

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  43. HAHAHAHAH dude, your blog is amazing! i lol'd hard reading this post.
    i agree with you in every single word. i was a fucking asshole as a teenager and i absolutely loathe them nowadays!
    followed :)

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  44. Did I mention teens are assholes? Except for your readers, as you accurately mentioned.

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  45. Ya know what is amazing, that the older you get, the older the kids who you think are annoying are. Pretty soon its gonna be those damn 20-30 year olds, think they got shit figured out.

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  46. Hahaha that polar bear one is just too cute.

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  47. Awesome post man, loved the polar bear!

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  48. Excellent post, can't wait for more :)

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  49. I never realized how HOT Fran Drescher until a few weeks ago when I started watching old episodes of The Nanny on TV Land when I can't sleep.

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  50. haha gotta laughed :) nice post

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  51. LMAO. This just fucking funny.

    Thank you dear :D

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  52. Good writing and the pics are so funny, made me laugh so hard

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  53. Holy shit. I read this at work. I SHOULD NOT HAVE.

    Funny as hell. I tried to conceal my laughing by pretending to drink tea, well that went wrong. You can imagine.

    Dude, 100% followed and will be comming back tons more times.

    I saw the original video of that baby, but this just cracked my up like a fucking can in a nuclear holocaust.

    Thanks for the best laugh all week.


    Check out my blog for latest Assassin's Creed Revelations news!
    awesomeexposed.blogspot.com

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  54. haha had to laugh hard at a few of this pics haha

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  55. Interesting and utterly hilarious. Hahah Greta post! :D

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  56. Awesome post man! keep up the good work!

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  57. Funny ASS post following this one for sure

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  58. Haha I laughed my ass off. But if both typical teenagers (rebecca black, justin bieber, etc) and non-conformists (emos, goths) are bad, then what should teenagers be?

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  59. Hah! I agree soooo much. I hated teenagers when I WAS a teenager. Seriously, I will literally disown my kids as soon as they become a "teen." For those 5 years, they will only have Mommy.

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  60. WOW>...hahaha a study by NASA confirmed that 9 out of 9 teens are fucking douchebags..I literally got up and got some water cause I cried a little from laughing.

    haha great blog...hardcore follow'd.

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  61. The best one of all these was the little kid on his way to help the people and 'flying' up the stairs!

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  62. haha the baby pictures made me crack up good post!

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  63. Interesting post. Hilarious too!

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  64. That baby is mini super man!

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  65. Just found this blog, love your style of writing and view on things! makes this blog very interesting, thanks :)

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  66. lol some of those pics are awesome

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  67. That last picture had me crying :)

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  68. I am a teen. And a douche. Oh well.

    Also, the baby at the end got me.

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  69. bit heavy on gif's there, glad i'm not using internet explorer ^^

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  70. Hahaha yeah dude, more funny stuff

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  71. haha this was a great post.

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  72. Very awesome! keep up the good work

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  73. best gifs hahaha

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  74. The last gif made me laugh uncontrollably.

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  75. That last gif is full of win!

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  76. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  77. The other day some teenager calls his school administrator a dick for blocking certain websites, and I just turn round and let him have it. “Now you can’t log on Youtube and watch dancing preteen boys in their underwear or reruns of Pokemon, how DARE your school administrator do his job and block websites which don’t further your education, what the hell does he think school is – a place of learning?!"

    His toddler cousin gave me a look too, so I told him what I think of those stupid certificates he gets just for showing up.

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    1. i would have punched you in the face lucky you were yelling at pussys. be careful because next time you might talk to the wrong person and get your arrogant self righteous ass handed to you.

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  78. Teenagers do suck, a lot. You never realize it when you're a teenager. But yeah, they suck.

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  79. I like how tuxedo teen took down that UPS truck with a portable sewing machine.

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  80. lol these pics are epic gay xD

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  81. Hey dude, I am very impressed with your presentation. I do know that those types of teens you have illustrated who do not respect their parents and other people, uses drugs and go with BI people are those we call as troubled teens. They need more attention and guidance so that they can become better.

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    1. some of us are free from your idea of "better" some of us had shitty parents maybe they deserved that "disrespect" just stay away from me and dont try to change me to be "better".

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  82. i had to make a profile because i saw every one giving you positive reinforcement im sorry but your a fucking idiot. you are whats wrong with people not all of us are fucking idiots as you have so vividly described some of us have shitty parents you act like we should all be good little boys and girls you'd like that wouldn't you, so would every one else easy to control. you high and mighty little fuck you think your better than me you are a sick fuck you blatantly say your better than other people that in my mind makes you a very shallow man and all reputability as a human being is throw out a window i can not take you seriously and yet you piss me off so much. who the fuck do you think you are you have no place to make a statement like that all teenagers are douchbags and completely incompetent idiots well the same can be said for about more than half the human race fuck you do you know how hard my life has been compared to your comfy little cozy life you fucking stuck up little piece of shit i had to be an adult when i was five fuck you for insulting my intelligence fuck you for insulting my friends fuck you for the misguided hate you have toward something find a different outlet you prick you think no one cares about what teens say and ohh yes a blog by an asshole with a key bored is high up on the chart. fuck you

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