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Sunday, May 15, 2011

Some of the Dopest Hip-Hop That I Can Totally Relate With



       Judging by my name, which, if you cannot be bothered to simply look to your right, because you are a lazy indifferent fatass with terrible furniture and very unattractive earlobes, is Elliot MacLeod-Michael, you might be surprised to learn that I am in fact white. But I assure you that does not mean I don't know how to pull stunts for all the people I know and get hyphey in this motherfuck. And I know the very fact that I am street enough to be able to use such authentic vernacular will come as a shock to many of you, but what can I really say to that except whoops, there it is. So I would like to introduce you all now to my crunk-ass dope boy alter ego, MC Cooliot.



       Yo yo, what's good family? It's ya boy Coolee in this motherfucking shit, and speaking of shit it's about to pop off, ya heard? 225 represent, Jigga City wuzzz gooodd y'all? Baton Rouge is my motherfucking city and that is the city which I am motherfucking representing y'aalll!!! Just a trill as motherfucker from the dirty dirty keepin it real and shit you know errything copastetic in this wait no I can't do this. This is not who I am. What was I thinking, I'm whiter than fuck. I do however have some limited knowledge of hip hop culture, and valid opinions about that genre of music, even though I am very much what's known as a "Clampett."




       One thing I know is that in hip hop culture there are numerous slang terms for "car." You might want to roll out to the club in your whip, or perhaps you'd prefer to push your slab instead. Or perhaps if it was cool out you would opt to take the vert (see above).




       A common misconception about hip hop culture is that it was heavily influenced by writer and reformed pimp Iceberg Slim, when in fact the real founding father was none other than Benjamin Franklin. It has been said that while the pimp game of Iceberg Slim was legendary, President Franklin's was nothing short of electrifying.




       A big part of hip hop culture is the recognition of a top dog or alpha male. As you can see these bitches are popping it for pimp.





       Another important part of the culture is the consumption of "lean," which refers to a number of different narcotic cough syrups, some fairly mild and some extremely potent. But if anyone asks you what kind you happen to be sipping on just say "fuck you, it's my cup." Then fight them if necessary.





       B-boying is just as much a part of hip-hop culture as rapping is, but if you call it breakdancing you is pie as fuck, because that's a name that was given to it by the media.





Here are some more b-boys.   





       Getting your swerve on can either mean getting drunk or dancing, and often means both. But sometimes getting your swerve on goes horribly wrong.





In no way, shape or form is this related to hip hop.




        A "fuck nigga" is a basically a clown ass motherfucker. It's probably not the best idea to be saying this if you're white, which is why I put it in quotations to show that I didn't say it. If you're white and you happen to encounter one of these individuals, you're better off calling them a cake boy or a fuck boy.




       You is definitely duck as fuck if you think the baddest bitch in the game is Nicki Minaj. The first thing I have to say is that her lyrics are retarded, not in the hip hop sense which would mean they are awesome, but in the sense that would mean they are the opposite of smart. And though her delivery is unique it is ultimately a gimmick, sort of like everything else she does. In other words she is a Pillow Pet. All the kids love her right now but in a little while she will be dingy and forgotten. 




       I hope you didn't think I wasn't going to tell you who is the baddest bitch. It's motherfucking Remy Ma. Right now Remy Ma is in jail for straight-up shooting a bitch. Unfortunately her victim had to find out the hard way that stealing from Remy Ma is a terrible idea. Now she will probably never shit right again. But prison isn't hurting Remy's creativity. Here she is freestyling without any beat, and you will notice she is still over 9000 times better than Nicki Minaj. Check it the fuck out.




       One hip hop album that I have in my iPod but have not had a chance to listen to yet is J Dilla's Donuts. If it's as good as everyone says it is I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy it, because I'm one of these people who usually enjoys things that are good.




       Well hey there little fella, you're looking kinda down. What da bizness is? Could it be because when all those people say you are the best rapper alive...that deep down you know that is patently false? It's okay, Weezy, no one here is trying to say you aren't talented. It's just that there are rappers out there who are a hell of a lot more talented.




       Take Big Boi for example. His severed head is being held by some mysterious white bitch in a leotard of some sort. Therefore everything you do is invalid, I'm afraid.




       And what about this guy, Ghostface Killah? Do you think you are better at rapping than he is? If so I'm going to have to respectfully disagree. Also I wouldn't recommend saying shit like that to his face. Ask Mase about that. Also, if you haven't heard Fishscale, it is much better than anything you have ever done or will do. I would highly recommend you go and cop that jawn.



118 comments:

  1. i feel culturally enlightened

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  2. those are one well trained dogs on that picture

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  3. ahah thanks for this, i had no idea ben franklin was the father of modern pimpin'

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  4. WHite or not, you need to get yo swag on. Pay no attention to them haters

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  5. dont be racist man :D

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  6. I'M A BAD BITCH, I'M A CUNT! AND ILL KICK THAT HOE, PUNT!

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  7. I feel enlightened..thank you!

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  8. there is so much funny crap in this post xD

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  9. Badass pics, especially the circle of dogs. Damn, Nicki Minaj is smoking hot.

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  10. Very educational. Thanks for posting.

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  11. You sir, have changed my life.

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  12. hhahaha post more man.. i enjoyed these.

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  13. I'm white as fuck, so this learned me a few things.

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  14. @brn, that's precisely what i'm talking about when i say her lyrics are retarded (like for real and not retarded as in good).

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  15. brilliant! I loved it as always!

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  16. lol nice long post ;p...you have attached some real nice photos with funny comments

    I have followed your blog..Could you follow mine too please?

    Sky Stock Analysis

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  17. Great and detailed post, you're very funny and good at writing!

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  18. Wow, that had me laughign the whole way through.
    You're a great writer!

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  19. Haha as always, great post. I always enjoy your insights on things.

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  20. ...ghostface killah? Really? I mean....REALLY?

    Is that....a spooky name? what the heck is the point? Ghostface Killah...oh lord. I've met 12 year old kids in Couter-Strike having this sort of lame f4ggot names. Killah? Come on. Seriosuly.

    Funny read, bro! As always!

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  21. How come you know my furniture is not cool? also, those gifs are truly funny.

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  22. Great post! Keep up the good work!

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  23. Awesome post, I enjoyed it alot!

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  24. Mad love kid! You droppin' some straight nawledge on these tricks fo'real.

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  25. I'm looking at hip-hop at a different kind of view!

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  26. Haha I'd forgotten all about that Brendan Fraser gif

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  27. very elaborate post! I loved it.

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  28. Dude where'd you find these pics and gifs? lol.

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  29. Some of these are hilarious!

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  30. a well done and interesting yet funny post (what more could you want?!) thanks!

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  31. Nothing is funnier than learning some slang and information of a culture I'm not so familiar with. I wonder how relevant hip-hop is today with all these new teenage suburban kids becoming face on Youtube.

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  32. in The Wire there's a guy who calls his car "princess"!

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  33. Great post, mate. And awesome gifs/pics

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  34. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  35. ouch, those dwarf fighters, thats gotta hurt

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  36. Awesome gifs and a great text, gotta love your writings.

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  37. ...so...many...gifs...browser...tired...

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  38. snibbity dibbity

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  39. Haha, You are hilarious, please keep posting!

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  40. This is amazing! Kept me laughing the whole time!

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  41. Wowowow at the baby one, that is some insane stuff haha.

    My browser exploded loading all the pictures!

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  42. Great post, you manage to say your stuff and make it a fun read! Also thanks for including that unrelated dog on a bike.

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  43. Didn't know a lot about Hip-Hop culture before because I'am not very interested in such things but you posts is quite interesting.

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  44. i have nothing against hip hop but they are hilarious sumtimes..xD thanks for this funny post!

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  45. Oh man, that gif was funny!

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  46. Awesome post man! Keep up this excellent work!

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  47. HERES ANOTHER!

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  48. lol i wish my dog could do that

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  49. LMAO amazing post. The pig and the dog are awesome.

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  50. What would I give for lying in a bathtub, covered with donuts. Thanks for the pics, they are hilarious.

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  51. This post changed my life. haha jk

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  52. Yeah, this was the hardest shit I've ever read.

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  53. dude, Ghostface is my favorite member of the WU and favorite emcee period. I gotta go with Supreme Clientele > Fishscale though.

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  54. Very informative!

    By the way, I can't stop laughing at the guy riding the pig. XD

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  55. Nicki is a nasty bitch. Mase is trash, and 50 got pushed down some stairs. Ghost doesn't fuck around, and neither do I.

    NYC! BIG L RIP! GURU RIP! DILLA RIP!

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  56. Dude, this shit had me bustin up

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  57. Great stuff, um, man, you rock cool, um , coolio, respect, high five .........

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  58. Nice post, keep up the good work!

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  59. I fail to see the correlation between dogs riding bicycles and hip hop. But then again, you are white, so I guess that might have something to do with it. Or not. I don't know.

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  60. Nice post, but where is the Little Feat?

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  61. A lot of pictures... I like that

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  62. "Whoa, whoa, whoa don't ask this man what's in his cup!!!" -Mac Miller haha love the blog man!

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  63. lol I lost it at the dog picture, just imagine the people walking by XD

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  64. lol, nice pics.

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  65. Dude, your alter ego looks awesome =]

    He should express himself on your blog more often ;]

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  66. Thats some good swag. Expressing yourself is pretty key to a happy life.

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  67. great collection :D like the puppys

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  68. Possibly THE most epic post I've read yet on a hip-hop blog. And you can say what you like about Nicki Minaj, but dat ass!

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  69. Badass pics, well written, your blog is awesome man :)

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  70. the funny slang is probably the best part about this post

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  71. I don't know if I understand what I just read... but I know I like it.

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  72. I feel smarter about the rap hops now. Thank you, I think I'm officially an originally gangster person.

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  73. Big Boi is damned incredible. Sir Luscious Leftfoot hasn't left my rotation since it came out.

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  74. I think my head just exploded from reading through all of this. nonetheless, awesome post

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  75. Man, your shit is dope. Also, I require a bath full of doughnuts.

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  76. If I ever was going to die and chosen for make a wish, I would ask to do hoodrat shit with ghostface killah all day down in staten island.

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  77. I just died on the inside haha

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  78. dude in pink is completely gay xD

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  79. i demand more posts! with funny pics

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  80. haha this was great, as usual!

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  81. Even though I can't un-see that gif of that one lady dancing, I gotta give you props for yet another brilliant post, man!

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  82. nice gifs. Especially that black chick dancing. yeaaah

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  83. Haha! :D where do you find this stuff!!

    Loved McCooliot! You should post more often, I love taking a break at work and read thru some of your crazy ramblings!

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  84. haha nice post and the gifs are awesome.

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  85. I'm loving the gifs the best, to be honest. I can't get enough of that stuff.

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  86. Keep up the good work :) Because that is some awesome stuff =D

    My latest post might interest you too :)
    http://www.lmtyaboutthis.blogspot.com

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  87. Wow. You're pretty fly for a white guy! All the girls say so!
    lol Great post.

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  88. I bow down to your street cred.

    Also, you're fucking hilarious.

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  89. Lil' Wayne is terrible, I seriously don't understand how people thing he is the best...

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