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Friday, April 22, 2011

Unsung Heroes of the Criminal Underworld



       It has been said that unsung heroes never deserve the credit they think they should get, that they fail to realize they are just average people instead of something really special. I for one fully agree with this statement, and don't understand how they can be so deluded. But one thing I know for sure is that they are boring as shit. Every time I see one of those specials on CNN I want to yawn my face off.




       Another thing I have noticed is that unsung heroes are almost always ugly--in that respect I suppose they are remarkable. They are some of the least camera-friendly people I have ever seen or heard of, and the fact that they have enriched lives or whatever does nothing to mitigate this. So I have decided to compile my own roster of unsung heroes who are not so objectionable to look at and who are not the living equivalent of a roofie. In fact if you ask me these guys are pretty awesome. They are The Unsung Heroes of the Criminal Underworld.




       Little Richard the elf was a jolly old chap with a love for pointy hats and an honest day's work. He was dedicated to his career and loved every minute of crafting his fine snow for the children until they shot him in the fucking head, not the children but someone else. He is survived by his life partner David the Gnome.




       Three-year-old Bobby Connors has never been big on complicating things. He operates on the simple belief that girls are doodie-heads, and he has made it his business to make them pay. I couldn't agree more and I applaud him for his efforts.




       Jamiroquai the monkey never planned on being a killer--but then again he never planned on a lot of things. His life took a dramatic turn in the summer of 1980 when his monkey bride was abducted and sold into sex slavery. Don't ever honeymoon in Bangkok.




       Rowena Rubberface has been dealt some devastating blows in her life, but she always bounces back.




       Marty was told he would never amount to anything since he was merely a middle finger. Big mistake telling Marty that, Mr. Index. Now you get to watch your boy Ring get his throat slit. 



 

Related in ways you couldn't possibly understand.




Well then I must say that's a pretty shitty fish you caught. Let her keep it.

By the way this is Benjamin Button.




What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Just ask Liberace the rat.




       Breanna the baby bookie isn't buying your sob story. She has never really been interested in your bullshit. You have two choices, staring contest or a knife in your ass (I would probably go with b.).




Bobby Connors is so awesome I'm acknowledging him twice.




Manny the Mannequin has pretensions of being hoodrich.




Baconlegs and Coach Pooter




Cannibalistic Fuckerface



and finally



109 comments:

  1. too much awesome in one post
    stop it!!!

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  2. seriously, so much WIN here...I can't even begin to comment on one aspect of it.

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  3. haha omg took me 15 minutes reading! never laughed so hard! HORDOR

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  4. hahaha omg I can't stop laughing. Some of those were just plain lyao-hilarious, and some were just wtf.... XD

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  5. This was amazing in so many ways!

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  6. lol!!!! :D :D :D :D
    awesome man.... gif of rat is damn cool....!!!

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  7. Oh man, pure gold this is!

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  8. Surely, too much win for one post!

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  9. lolz great post, laughed and i havent even smoked yet

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  10. so funny!
    http://turqoisemoon.blogspot.com/

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  11. i think bobby is onto something with that doo doo head idea.

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  12. lol at the Liberace the Rat, great stuff,

    juju-paintballer.blogspot.com

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  13. Bitch really should give the fish back..

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  14. Aww awesome post, best gifs i've seen in a while

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  15. cnn is pretty garbage. you are right

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  16. Is that Bjork dancing with an oversized cat in a suit? THAT IS HOW I WANT TO DIE!

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  17. Bobby Connors grew up to be an old man that drove through a farmers market shouting FUCKING HIPPIES!

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  18. Wow, crazy pics. haha...Those poor little girls getting knocked over by the boy on his tractor. :)

    Nice post, and i totally believe u about going to school with Brooke. It's a small world. :)hehe

    Thanks for checking out my blog. Following u now
    -Dale

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  19. each of these pictures on their own is great...
    Combined they are even better!
    good job!

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  20. love your blog, keep it up!

    utubed.blogspot.com

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  21. I hope Bobby Connors is gay because he'll never have a girlfriend!

    Hilarious blog, love it!

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  22. very entertaining post!
    Bobby Connors is like a Dennis the menace.
    I laughed so hard at Jamiroquai the monkey and the weird family.

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  23. Amazing post!!

    xoxo,
    Ivânia Diamond *

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  24. Hilarious stuff. Glad I ran across this blog.

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  25. Radical Larry is vibrating through walls and taking names.

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  26. there is way to much win here to comment on all of it, just, WIN.

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  27. hehe, laughed My sides hurn now. THanks alot!^^

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  28. Ahaha omg! THe little thief finger drawing thing is so cool! Supporting and following. alphabetalife.blogspot.com

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  29. those are brilliant, good post!

    Following

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  30. Thank you for your comment *
    great post, sorry but I can not post the whole move ...
    Kiss from Russia: *
    very glad that you follow me)
    I follow you, too

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  31. awesome!
    it's so funny ;)
    xoxo

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  32. Alright bro, you just made me lol like 8 times...

    Followed!

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  33. HAHAHA wow! Radical Larry made me laugh hysterically!

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  34. The power of the rat gem got to me. haha

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  35. Lols overload here, one post of awesome ad witty jokes.
    Keep up the good job

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  36. I just peed my pants.

    No seriously.

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  37. I love how you always have someting new to say!

    please checkout my blog!

    remember I support you, support me!
    every support counts
    :P

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  38. congratulations 1 internets for you! haha great post!

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  39. Funny pictures! I like the benchpressing mouse

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  40. That was very funny and brilliant!

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  41. This awesomness can't be beaten. You are now my god!

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  42. This post is incredibly funny and those photos are hilarious!
    Thanks for following my blog. Following u too now!

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  43. Lmao that beiber pic is so funny!

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  44. Great funny pictures, followed!

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  45. that damn elf picture always has me rolling

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  46. Pew pew Pew!!
    Hahahahahha!!
    Nice pictures bro!!!!
    Following :)

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  47. @nowaysj
    I'll do my best, but keeping the quality up while growing my readership takes time. You can help me out by telling your friends. Thanks for reading.

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  48. the last picture made me laugh so hard!

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  49. Poor Jamiroquai, it must be hard for him to live that way.

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  50. after a long stressful day you made me laugh and took all my stress away.

    Thanks for giving me reason for a big laugh... the last pic is the best.

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  51. Awesome post man! Keep up this great blogging work!

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  52. I lol'd; some good stuff there - keep it coming ;D

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  53. This is just too funny, haven't laughed this hard in ages. Hahaha <3

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  54. Holy crap your blog is hysterical! :D

    <3

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  55. Some of these are really awesome lol!

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  56. ahahahah! this is very funny! :D
    following ;)

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  57. that was awesome....wtf is with that chick dancing with the cat?!??!?

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  58. funny gifs, saved a bunch of them, thanks!

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  59. just checking back in - still funny the 2nd time round xD

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  60. sir, there is an exorbitant amount of win in that post. i suggest you continue along this path of excellence! p.s. bitch stole my fish.

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  61. Wow. Just wow. That was a great read.
    +followed.

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  62. Epic gifs! Saved the yawning christopher walken and the lawn mower brother! Followed as well!

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  63. @Jay Reid, it's gonna be another few days probably. I don't want to sacrifice quality for speed.

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  64. this is fantastic. all of it. good lord.

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  65. Holy shit friend. I typically spam peoples blog with my swag bullshit but your shit was fucking hilarious hhahahaha this related in way you couldnt possibly understand hahahahaahhahahah touche kind sir touche

    oh

    www.swagbucks.com/refer/bucemhard

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  66. Great post! Definitely love the writing style, and the humor!

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  67. awesome post! i lol'd at the girl being run over gif.

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  68. some of these were funny as hell!

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  69. I love these so much. Never stop.

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  70. the funniest shit is that picture of the monkey drowning the guy. take it easy man! I posted a new mix, check it out when you got some time :)

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  71. I can't imagine what letter in between two "/"s you would use to name the folder in which you store these images. This is relevant to my interests.

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  72. I've seen some of these before, but wow; I loved every single one!

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  73. I was already dying just after the first picture!!

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  74. jesus I couldn't stop laughing!

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  75. That's too much LOL in one day ! :D + following

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  76. Bobby Conners fucking rocks my world.

    Also, poor Hit Man Monkey. He looks so depressed by his state of affairs.

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