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Thursday, October 6, 2011

Occupying Time Down On Obfuscation Street

                     
 


       If you don't get the reference in the title of this post, then you may just not be a fan of The Cure, which is totally cool with me. But you may also be one of these sniffling hipster halfwits who is standing around Zuccotti Park right now in desperate need of a bath and waiting for Radiohead to come and play, which they definitely aren't, and anyway their latest effort was appallingly weak. But you wouldn't know that because you have a head full of Chomsky and gas station weed, and you wouldn't know good music if it fucked you in the ass.




     I mean if Coldplay had put out that album I would have been mildly impressed, but then again I wouldn't want to live in a world like that. But I must say it's a pretty fucked up world we're living in already, what with these dastardly terrorist cleric derelicts getting killed by drones, and the fed warning of the possibility of revenge missions in the making.






       And then you have all of these angry musical dilettantes getting arrested by the hundreds because they can't afford the new Imogen Heap, and bragging about how 99% of Americans haven't heard of their favorite band. Well just because we haven't heard of them doesn't mean they're any good you self-righteous pieces of shit.




       It could be that I'm missing the point here, but I doubt it.  I know there's got to be something more to it all than simply opposing "corporate greed," because that would be fucking retarded. I mean please tell me they have something more specific than that. Because God knows they could find it with even the most cursory of Google searches.




       But no, I guess not. Apparently they are not big fans of the Google and were a little too stoned during Inside Job to remember much more than the basic gist. And indeed their website states that they are doing all of this because of "financial greed and corruption." Well why not take the whole vague thing one step further and have a protest against bad vibes or the man keeping you down? I'm sorry but I can't get behind you on this one, though I agree that both greed and corruption are decidedly not good. I'm afraid this needs to materialize into something a little more articulate before I can give it my highly coveted rubber stamp of approval, but I doubt that's going to happen before the police really step up their non-lethal force game and suppress this shit.






       So instead of spending my free time getting arrested with you all I have decided to combat your confounding ambiguity by opposing some things that are very specific. I'm hoping this well help you to see the error of your ways.





       I am strongly opposed to infant suicide, and have even gone so far as to join Women Against Infant Suicide Standing Together, or WAISST, despite being male.




       Reverse drinking is not a practice that I have ever endorsed, nor will I ever endorse. It's extremely dangerous and actually makes you thirstier.




       I am against the use Jokewood font in the context of instant messaging, but I am strongly in support of finally finding an excuse to post this.




       Interspecies swim meets are totally unfair and can have a profoundly deleterious effect on your child's self-esteem, as they come to grips with the reality of being owned by a swan.




       It has been said that freedom is a double-edged sword, and I definitely think that the freedom to race the handicapped would be an example of the shittier edge of that sword, but this being America there is nothing I can do to stop you people. Just know that I oppose you in all kinds of ways, unless of course you are a representative of the Special Olympics.





       I think it's very childish and manipulative for train cars to hold their breath until they get what they want. The best thing to do in this situation is ignore them.




       Just because your youngest daughter is an obvious dyke, that does not mean you have to excommunicate her to the top of the denim pile. I hereby oppose thee.





I am actually not the least bit opposed to this.





       But you can definitely color me a deep shade of opposed to any scientist who has the unmitigated gall to try and explain to me how magnets really work.




       Toddlers who worship Satan can consider themselves opposed, mostly because of the role they play in infant suicides.






       And lastly I am deeply opposed to people who show only a halfhearted opposition to things that they really deep down inside oppose very strongly. I think it shows a compromise in one's testicular fortitude, and maybe it's something I should take a look at myself. And one thing I will say is that it doesn't really seem to be a problem for these kids down on Wall Street. So in that respect they can consider themselves unopposed by me. I'm sure they will all be massively relieved.



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       So this is the longest that I've ever gone without posting, and it occurred to me that some of you may draw a correlation between that and the poetry. But I assure it has practically nothing to do with that, and practically everything to do with making money hand over fist (huge economic success: perhaps another reason why I choose to make fun of the occupying forces rather than join them in battle). Well if anyone wants to pay me $15.38 an hour plus overtime for this and give me the option to have health insurance for once in my life (it wouldn't be the only time in my adult life, but almost) then they can be my guest. So I've now let the cat out of the bag about what a fucking baller I am. My bad. But I promise I'm not going to stop doing Appellate Sky. I enjoy it too much. Here is a link to a poem that will make your head explode into candy.
                                             
                                                                                       
                     

81 comments:

  1. Holy crap, that was a long post and there are many things to comment about. But i will stick to the best of them.
    I'm sure i'm not alone on this one. I had a feeling that the guy was going to somehow win the arguement and get a some weird sexual offer from her soon to be ex-gf. I felt like he was close to pulling the miracle hahahah ohh well, it wasn't meant to be...

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  2. I am currently winding down the last hour at MY job, and my stupid work computer won't let me see any of the graphics you so painstakingly embed in these posts, which makes me rage-filled. I am currently looking for someone to pay me to photograph my life and talk shit about my kids so if that happens I will see if they will take you on as well and we will rule the blogosphere together, kay?

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  3. Hasidic, I was really rooting for him myself

    Heidi, if they're willing to meet or exceed what I currently make then we are in business. They could take pictures of me surfing the web and whatnot.

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  4. Everything....in it's riiight plaaace

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  5. That thing about hipsters and music. Would it suffice to say that you are my hero? Though I do pity the hipsters; it must not be fun being attacked with puns and insults and not having enough wit to retaliate. Meh.
    Hehe, Jokewood. And the conversation was going so well...

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  6. Bonza photos and videos, i especially like the wrestling one very humourous indeed :-).

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  7. I love Satan, too. :P

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  8. Great post, can't even tel whats best, because by the time I am down here I forgot already :p

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  9. Oh goodness, you just get funnier.

    I am opposed to the picture of the girl being slapped on the ass. WHY IS SHE NOT NAKED? Pft.

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  10. The chick in the Jokewood chat? Yeah, she takes him back. Don't ask how I know. I just do.

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  11. Bettie Page! You are my new hero!

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  12. I am in complete agreement with you on the occupiers. I'd like some more specifics. I saw some video a friend shot of the New York group and it looked like film of a Grateful Dead concert to me. Eric Cartman would have been shouting about the "Damned Hippies".

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  13. i guess it's true what they say...it's too bad that the people with the best ideas about occupy wall street are too busy commenting on the internet...

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  14. The denim pile family? Disturbs me. I get the feeling that there are many boners going on there.

    Glad you're employed. It IS a relief, isn't it? But it does keep you from posting, that's true.

    [True confession - I'm enjoying the Occupiers. I find them a delight and hope they DO manage to oppose corporate greed. Even though I may be up against the wall when it happens.]

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  15. Thanks for the laugh--the photos you picked say alot...

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  16. That seal is creepy!
    And Jeans family - ha! Like we don't know what is going on there :P

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  17. @Natural One, I think digital bleeps and bloops are great when there are beautifully crafted melodies behind them, as was the case on Kid A. But King of Limbs is no Kid A.
    @Anna, I would prefer a 24 carat gold chain saying that I'm your hero, but I suppose just saying it will suffice.
    @Suniverse, if it don't make dollas, it don't make sense. Yes, it is a great relief to have a steady livable income and for the most part having weekends off like a (normal?) person. I've had that once before, but let's just say I wasn't too good at managing money at that time.

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  18. Opposing is soo mainstream right now. I'm gonna oppose the opposers.

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  19. I can't even read all of this since I'm wearing my fake hipster glasses.

    (Don't leave -ever!)

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  20. You make me laugh. I blew snot bubbles...seriously. I love reading you on a Friday!

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  21. http://www.goldstockbull.com/articles/7-demands-from-occupy-wall-street/

    there you go.

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  22. my hat is bread hahahahahahahahahahaha hilarious post

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  23. Don't stop posting! By the way that cat is eerily thin.

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  24. Holy where to start. Yes, damn hippies, I love that black and white ass slapping gif, and just imagine how much that goose crapped in that pool. I guess I'll stop there.

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  25. Cool video clips and pixz. Ohhhh the flying dick missed a blow job and presume the cat loves canned food instead of raw meat. Love your Nirvana poem.

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  26. Satan is kind of guy who enters in childrens home at nights, and they love it...

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  27. Elliot! It's fun going through your post.
    Thanks.

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  28. I love this post Keep em up man :D

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  29. Who are you and how did you find me? How did I not know of you until now?

    Whitesnake is awesome.

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  30. Ok, so I am totally with on you that this group of stoners looking for a cause needs to get a cogent and useful idea to rally around (I posted much the same previously) and think if you want something specific in the US you could look to re-instate Glass-Steagall. The trouble is the people that are holding that petition are also holding a sign that has Obama with a Hitler stash and suggesting that he (despite all evidence to the contrary) is not a us Citizen. Now supporting good ideas put forward by crazy people is a non-plus situation in my book and keeps me walking by the proletariat masses in Seattle.

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  31. Wow! That dick slapping a guy in the face had me rolling! And something isn't right with the denim family! I strongly oppose that photo!

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  32. I'm actually not opposed to the use of the Jokewood font at all.

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  33. Haha, wow! Funny post but two things I have to address:

    1)Is he really wearing bread on his head?

    2)I actually saw the denim pile pic in a book recently. It was a collection of family photos with some captions but...yours was so much better!

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  34. His hat is bread too? I thought I was the only one around here. And where is that black and white gif. from? +following

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  35. As always, great post. Don't worry, I'll never oppose you. You're welcome.

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  36. First time visitor here. I was waiting for the gif images to load, I didn't know that I have to move my mouse for it to play. LOL

    Nice blog by the way, +followed.

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  37. takk ;p


    and omg haha if myy bf im'ed mee in that font id break up with him too haha

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  38. I don't think I've laughed this long in a long time

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  39. This post just proves I am completely out of touch. I barely understand what you are talking about.

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  40. You just inspired me to write my congressman regarding reverse drinking.

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  41. That is an awful lot of oppositions and I think I managed to lose a lung while laughing at some of them.

    Congratulations, you have stopped me from ever being able to have a cigarette! (Smoking, Something I am opposed to)

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  42. Hahaha nice post, good to see another post from you.

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  43. I loved this. And specifically, I'm not against any of those things. Except for infant suicide. That's gotta go down. The scourge of the modern world, really. Sadly, where I'm from, it can even be assisted by a doctor. Somehow they think they can understand baby gibberish. They say it's mostly the pain of circumcision that makes them want to commit suicide. There's something I can protest! No more penis-cutting!

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  44. Oh, come on, Elliot! Tell us what you really think! lol..

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  45. I love the Cure. But not Satan. You're damn funny. Be good out there... :)

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  46. MORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  47. awesome set of pictures, mate.
    Following

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  48. Amazing photos. I love Bettie Page! She is so radical!

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  49. I think the biggest enlightenment I got from all these blogs was how I always thought pedophiles were quite obvious but it is true,my children were right when they named them on our very own street and right away!
    And they are here, on your blogs blogs!
    But I always thought you were just AC- DC.....but you were all so much more.
    Greed Ark.
    Neo Nazis?
    Wait till our kids see your movie....
    " KANSAS KINGS".
    This will be world- wide for decades in lessons of " prey".
    Thank you for recording it all on your " OBFUSCATION STREET".

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  50. Dude, I've gotten some pretty weird comments on here before, but this time I can really say with certainty that I don't know what in the fucking fuck you are talking about--like absolutely no clue--and I have to give you credit for that.

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  51. oh my god these are funny!!
    keep up the good work, good sir!
    +follow

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  52. Wow, totally one of the coolest posts I've ever read. Excellent job, very very entertainint! Following.

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  53. But how di magnets really work?

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  54. crazy pictures! especially the reverse water drinking one.

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  55. ahhh!!!!!!!! Why can't you ever...ever stop being so Hilarious. Where'd you find that penis-hitting-face GIF. It cracked me up.
    I totally agree with you. Love The Cure. Radiohead's like whatever to me and Coldplay...don't even get me started on the shit that they manage to come up with. Mylo Xyloto?!!!

    Loadsa love
    V
    :D

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  56. Lots of great material here- I would argue that when so many things are being handled so incorrectly it makes sense for the protest to be disorganized. I would think that for simplicity sake it makes sense to focus on the root of the problem, which is a financial system in America in which the wealth is so unbelievably unevenly distributed.

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  57. Well I quite like the cat! I'm not one for getting too deep on things :-)

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  58. the Jokewood stuff was hillarious

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  59. Can I just say that I loved your style and your pictures? Thanks for the follow on my blog, I am now following you back. Congrats for being employed, but please keep writing entertaining posts (NB: I am -let's say slightly- older than you and I love the Cure. Always have.)

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  60. I like your style, nice and funny post!!
    Take a look at my blog, and if you like it follow me, I’ll be waiting for you!

    Cosa mi metto???

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  61. Wow, to call these pics extraordinary is an understatement. Neat blog:)

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  62. great stuff, it just kept coming!

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  63. I am impressed by your dedication to animating your posts. I concur with all.

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  64. some quality posting,
    almost like a book..
    + followed

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  65. That train car was so childish shame on it.

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  66. Yeah, I thought your fat post was pretty mean, but you've made up for it with this one. My favorite picture is "deal with it." Awesome.

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  67. My insomnia has a new best friend! Your blog... I have much catching up to do.

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