Friday, September 10, 2010

        Hello, and welcome to Appellate Sky, a blog about jogs, dogs, clogs, getting flogged, and other blogs. As the image in the upper right clearly indicates, this blog is awesome. I started it just now, and so far am very happy with it.
        This blog is going to be a depository of sorts, much like your mom. But unlike your mom, who is usually filled up by her best friend, Russell the Love Muscle, it will contain humorous commentary on pop culture and current events, as well as some deep metaphysical reflecting and the occasional poem--to be immediately followed by pyrotechnics, and second tier porn stars posing with snazzy choppers. AMERICA RULEZ.
        Now that I have my mission statement complete, I would like to move on to the actual blogging process. It's going to be epic, like the double rainbow guy or Sad Keanu. Not so much like Ovid's Metamorphoses, which is probably more boring than epic. I mean, it's gotta be, right? It was written something like two hundred years ago.
        I want to talk about paraprosdokians (pronunciation here: A paraprosdokian is a statement or phrase which has an unexpected ending. A lot of old British people such as Winston Churchill (who is now possibly dead), have used them. Some paraprosdokians are almost nightmarishly unfunny, such "change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." Others, such as this one from the late comic Mitch Hedberg, are not.

        "I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."

        Saturday Night Live used to have this disembodied voice named Jack Handey who also had a hand in many a paraprosdokian.
       "It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs."
       "The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."

        Emo Phillips, who is most famous for his conceptual joke in which he created a genre of music that sounds like hobbit-rape and named it after himself, was also known for his paraprosdokianing.

        "I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks."

        A formal comedy routine or sketch is an appropriate setting for parawhatever usage. An example of an inappropriate situation would be during sexual intercourse. Imagine you and your ladyfriend or hunk of manmeat are getting busy, making the beast with two backs, if you will, and you cry out "I belong to no organized party! I am a Democrat!" While this may be factually correct, it could be a real mood-killer. Plus, Will Rogers already said it like 7,000 years ago.
        I hope this has been informative. I personally have learned that your mother is a whore. We'll see you next time, then, when I will further pursue my ambitionz as writah. Konichiwa bitches.